Still empty.

I read through some of my old posts, trying to see how I've changed over the last several months.  I guess I really haven't, even though so much has happened.
I think it was back in April, I was getting really into the mangas I was reading, trying to relate it to my life, even though that's pretty much impossible since I was really into smut.  I reread the manga I was talking about in that post, 3D Material. Why did I think that was so inspiring again?  Ah, wait... it seems I wasn't sure if I liked it...

 I'm sure the author intended to sympathize with the "victim", but I saw myself in the b[***]h of that story. She saw the world as pointless, her always-laughing "friends" as simply people she hangs out with, and herself as a totally boring, common person. [...] She doesn't get a happy ending. She continues to live her life as she is, completely and utterly alone. It's so [...] hilarious, that feeling of hopelessness I had when I finished reading those three strange chapters of "3D Material". I don't know if I liked it.

I suppose I still see myself in the antagonist of the story.  More than some chick who hates guys but has a purpose in life and lots of friends she honestly cares about.  Then again, I'm definitely not the pretty, silent, cutesy girl who gets any guy she wants. I'm just some girl with an ugly personality and low self-esteem but has enough pride to fill the state of Texas.

 I went to sleep really early last night and woke up at 9 am, a miracle considering its still the weekend.  I had weird dream that I can't remember, although the feeling of "I'm pathetic" still lingers behind.

Church was church.  I came late and couldn't play the piece that I promised Sis. Fran I would do.  I left thinking that there was no way I could fit in with those super happy people, again.

Thinking about writing a short story, based off the feeling of cooling down.  Sound obscure?