Hullo dar.

Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?
I blog mostly on my tumblr:  seewahchu.tumblr.com
See you there!  <3

Photography

Taking pictures has always just been a favorite hobby of mine. After all, it's the only artistic activity besides playing the piano that I was able to engage in because it's very mechanical and doesn't require me to draw, hold a paint brush, or anything of the difficult sort.  And you get instant gratification, hehehe...

Anyway, this semester I decided to take Photography 1A, in which I work with Black & White film. I've only been to 3 or 4 classes, but so far it's been very interesting. I've successfully developed my first roll of film, and can't wait to create the positives!

The assignment is to take pictures reflecting theme "Forgotten Spaces," so my sister and I brainstormed together and decided to focus on taking picture of people sitting around memorials. Even though these monuments were built to remember an aspect of society, we often forget about them and they just because part of the scenery. Anyway, it seems like a legit answer to the theme, so I'm sticking with it.

In other news, yesterday was Day 1 of the Academic Decathlon team competition. I'll make a full post about it next week after the awards ceremony, with a buttload of pictures to complement. I don't want to get my hopes up, but... I didn't freaking awesome in my interviews. Like I said, details to come.

Well, I have to write a 4-page essay for my English 1D class. I have to argue whether or not a safety net should be built for the Golden Gate Bridge, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty torn. Money or lives? And are those lives significant? I got a second opinion from 4 people. My best friends say no, my family says yes.

And I just had to wait til the night before to get started on this. Ai yi yi, Sarah, you never learn.

Notes and Conclusions

Something not-so-funny happened. Instead of me running away from my problems, my problems are running away from me. And then I encounter new ones.
Yup, life as usual. And because it's life as usual, I won't spare you with any of the depressing details of my day and skip right to my conclusion:

I hate being both a high school student and a student at the local community college. I don't fit in either environment because of it.  I have to worry about graduating from high school because college classes get in the way, and then I don't get into my college classes because I'm still in high school and don't have any priority.  If I was some D-average, eighteen-year-old high school-dropout pothead, I could probably get into any college class I wanted. If I went to an average high school, I'd be acing all my classes, be on a sports team, and even have enough time for a job. I swear to God, when I have kids, I will never let them do what I'm doing right now. Screw if this is supposed to save money, it's not worth all the trouble.


Phew, glad to get that off my shoulders. In other news, I finished watching Naoki Urasawa's "Monster". The second-to-last episode was amazing, the last one not as much, although the ending was quite peculiar.  As I've said before, I'm not particularly good with reviews, so I'll just write what I thought when I first finished the series:

The first half of the last episode was a very typical epilogue, something to satisfy the audience's curiosity of what happened to everyone in the end.  When Tenma met with Johann one last time-- now that was some scary shit.  I certainly wasn't expecting that. Tenma "wakes up" screaming, but clearly that conversation with Johann wasn't a dream. How could Tenma make that information up? Plus, the series ends with the empty hospital bed-- Johann really had awoken.  However, the window is open. Is this "escape" or was it "suicide"? Perhaps suicide was escape for Johann?

Was Johann's complex all because he knew that his mom couldn't tell the twins apart? He wasn't the one starved in the Mansion of Red Roses, so the monster inside of him is the result of brainwashing and that single memory?  Is that what distinguished him as the "ultimate beast" among the other 511 Kinderheim orphans? Namely, Roberto and Grimmer?

Why was it that Johann felt such a close connection to Tenma? It felt even deeper than his connection to his sister or Franz Bonaparta.  In the end, the one he chose to see the scene for Doomday was Tenma.  It is Tenma to whom he reveals that memory of when his sister was taken to the Mansion of Red Roses. He left his messages for Tenma. Why? Is it because Tenma brought him back to life? Because Tenma believes all life is equal?

There were other comments that I wrote about Grimmer, Roberto, and even the drunk that shoots Johann, but in the end the only characters who's development I find interesting were Tenma and Johann.  I can't believe that Tenma saved Johann's life once again...

I have an assignment or two to do before school starts in about three hours, so I'll part here. Thanks for reading. (^ ^)/

Have yourself a merry fudgin' Tuesday.

Truthfully, I didn't really enjoy myself today, for reasons ranging from having to take my history lecture notes by hand (I left the computer at home), to realizing that switching some of my classes was a huge mistake, to being consumed by feelings of misery, self-condemnation, and utter loneliness.  Inside my mind, I kept doubting myself, and wondering, "Is anyone really happy to see me? Doesn't it look like I'm trying too hard? Do I look like some little girl trying to play grown up?". All the while, that tugging feeling of anxiety when I've procrastinated an important assignment for far too long was pounding on my brain. "You're a failure. You're a failure. Give up. Who do you think you're kidding? Going to college? You'll be lucky if you can even finish high school, you ingrate."

I want to run to my friends and spill everything, but somehow I feel that I have to finally stand up against myself on my own. I can't always run to others for sympathy and help, because if I really want to change the world and achieve my dream, then I have to change myself first.


All said and done, though, my isolation today did do me some good. I continued to read more of Kafka On the Shore, by Haruki Murakami. I was inspired for more of my stories I'm posting on Mibba, and even a short story I've been thinking about for years. Ultimately, I want the short (we'll call it "Rain" for now) to appear as a slice-of-life josei manga, so I'm currently writing it in a sort of script style. I'll include a portion of the dialogue I wrote in my notebook today.

C: So, why are you here?
D: [smiling to self] Well, my friend invited her boyfriend over for the night.
C: Huh. That's one hell of a roommate.
D: Well, actually, we have separate rooms, so it's not... hearing or anything that bothers me.
C: ... (then...?)
D: Josh -- her boyfriend -- he's kinda... my ex.
C: No way! Wait-- it's not what I think--
D: Unfortunately, yeah.  They met through me... Pathetic, I know. [smiles cheerfully]
C: Nah, pathetic of him maybe. You probably just have a bad taste in men... and friends.
D: [laughs] Yup, you're right.  Though, I could never hate her.

I know it looks corny, but the image of the finished product I have in my head is stunningly beautiful, so I don't really want to hear it.  Well, maybe criticize me a little. Maybe when I release more information.

My notebook isn't just full of all sentimental crap.  While I was waiting for my mom to pick me up, I heard this middle-aged man say to some kid (I say kid, but he was older than me): "When I was your age, I was already working three jobs. I don't understand why no one can't make no money these days..."
The kid started to reply, "It's this government, maaaan," but I was too busy writing down that old man's statement to listen to the rest.  Before I could write down my sarcastic reply, however, I overheard another ridiculous conversation.

Here's what I wrote down:

Yes, I'm not quite sure what the stench of weed really is, I just know that whenever I smell something disgusting, all of my friends are like, "Oh, it smells like weed."

I've cheered myself up enough to continue with my homework now. Thanks for tuning in!
|\(~^__^~)/|

Welcome to the NHK

Actually, it's a really great anime.  I guess most people would think it's pretty silly after watching only the first episode.  There's certainly a lot of humor, but I'm on the fourteenth episode right now, and I'm pretty astounded.  This episode is when the suicide party (sorry, spoilers) comes back from the island.  An old man tells the men, "You're idiots because only an idiot would throw away the lives that their parents tried so hard to give to them."  I'm not really good at analyzing things, just summarizing, so I won't bother saying much more besides, "You should watch this!!!"

This makes me think of how my parents think I'm ridiculous because I'm so into manga and anime. They only see it as "cartoons" that "only kids" watch. They're not the only ones, either.  My teachers, my classmates, and most of my friends think I'm wasting my time.  Perhaps they're right, and perhaps I should take a hint from this show and just go out and do something productive instead of slowly adopting the NEET lifestyle.  On the other hand, shows like "Welcome to the NHK" really open your eyes.  They remind you of memories you might not have wanted to remember and unearth issues that have to be confronted.

This week my sister turned seventeen.  Since her birthday, my friends have been staying the night and watching movies with us.  Tonight's the first night that it's just my family.  My parents were supposed to go to Hawaii on Wednesday, but it's already Friday morning and they're still here...

Anyway, I don't have much more to say, so I'll go ahead and break it off here.  Hope everyone's had a great time so far this year! |\(^___^)/|

Sandy! ♥

Name: Sandra Mendez
eye color: Brown
Hair color: black
Hair position: Down
Gender: Female
personality: Flexible
status: pretty excited! 
hobbies: sleeping, drawing, reading, watching movies, singing 
Likes: friends, family, food, free time, anything fun
dislikes: being criticized by strangers, cruelty towards animals and innocent people, corruptness, when people lie to me, stepping in sticky stuff, THE people who make my friends or family cry, being stuck in the middle 
favorite color's: clear
Zodiac: Boar
horoscope: Pisces
Element: Wood
planet/star: jupiter
favorite kind of music: every kind, as long as the lyrics are not every other word cuss words or perverted sayings
favorite bands: too many...way too many
Dependance: what?
Title of my biography: Why are you reading this?
I sometimes confound myself with: my daydreams
Existential question: Is it edible?
Phobia: Have not found one
Theme song: I found mine. and i forgot. 
Soundtrack: la la la la.....la...la....ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Passion: Yet to be found
Animal which I resemble: white mouse
Cult: the one that doesn't exist.
Favorite Object: iPod
Favorite place: Forest
Nicest sound: Rush/ trickle/ drumming of water
Worst sound: Children Crying. and trust me. I know the sound
Favorite body part: hair.
Era in which I would have liked to live: Hunter Gatherer period
Spiritual Guide: Blue Jay
In my wallet: ID, bus pass, Hot Topic Card, Library Card (College and Local), $20
Eventual trip: All around the world. And yes. I mean all of it.
Moment of the Day: Hour past noon
Flower I'd like to give: wild sunflower

Zodiac Information

Just something fun to help me pass the time.

THE FIRE RAT

Fire adds a bit of spontaneity and vigor to the already spirited Rat. These Rats like change and travel and are eager to start new projects or to take trips to exotic places. Fire Rats are likely to change their occupations and residences more often than most, and essentially shun any kind of routine. They can be anxious and impulsive, but their zest for life is quite irresistible, and they have the Rat's ability to along so well with others. Compared to other Rats, Fire Rats are likely to be more charitable, autonomous, and energetic and the least self-controlled.

GEMINI

  Likes talking, novelty and the unusual, variety in life, multiple projects all going on at once, and reading.  Dislikes feeling tied down, learning in school, being in a rut, mental inaction, being alone.
Common problems: Being superficial in overall relationships with others and also in getting ahead on many jobs where you must endeavor to dig deap and learn something thoroughly. Boredom is one of their biggest problems and they can easily fall into mischief if they don't find way to alleviate it.  They could have health problems brought on by overindulgence of food, drink, or night life.
Planet: Mercury.

Well, that was fascinating. For me, anyway.  And for the most part, very true.

One of those things you fill out when you have no life, then you tag your friends so they can fill it out too.

Name: Sarah. Seewah. Princess!
eye color: Brown
Hair color: Brown
Hair position: uhhh... what?
Gender: Female
personality: bossy, bratty, but ultimately an idiot
status: bored, hungry, and on the computer
hobbies: playing piano, reading (manga), watching good movies and shows (anime) crocheting, bugging sister, eating
Likes: my hobbies, winning, bishie villains, friends, vacations, food, funny things, princess movies
dislikes: when people make fun of me! >///< And uninteresting homework assignments. And teachers who can't teach a class unless they give tests. (I also have a problem with the concept of using tests to measure intelligence or how much you have learned.)
favorite color's: blue. the shade varies with mood.
Zodiac: Rat
horoscope: Gemini!
Element: Fire!
planet/star: um.. Earth. Hahahaha..
favorite kind of music: classic rock, classical, alternative, indie, jrock, and then a few artists in all the other genres
favorite bands: this changes a lot, so I'll just list the last five artists I've listened to-- bob dylan, suga shikao, regina spektor, the strokes, vampire weekend
Dependance: errr.. what?
Title of my biography: The Amazingly Uneventful Life of a Clumsy Girl
I sometimes confound myself with: my stupidity
Existential question: "Why" but sometimes "Why not?"
Phobia: the apocalypse
Theme song: this changes a lot too. Right now, it'd have to be "Progress" by Suga Shikao
Soundtrack: a long compilation of many different songs
Passion: Aizen, Tsuruga, Orochimaru, Sebastian, and many other villainous characters. I kid. Kinda.
Animal which I resemble: Rat
Cult: the one that doesn't exist.
Favorite Object: laptop
Favorite place: big cities.
Nicest sound: classical piano music.
Worst sound: my eldest sister screaming over stupid shit.
Favorite body part: hair.
Era in which I would have liked to live: pre-Civil War as a Southern plantation heiress, 1850s-1910s New England as a industrial tycoon's daughter, or Edo period Japan as a rich daimyo's daughter
Spiritual Guide: they take turns.
In my wallet: IDs, gift cards, receipts, coupons, club membership cards, and about $1.30
Eventual trip: Japan, Korea, and China.
Moment of the day: 3:10 am.
Flower I'd like to give: I'm really bad with naming flowers, so... a really pretty one. Also, this depends on who I'm giving it to.

No longer suffering from megalomania

I'm pretty sure I know what I want to be when I grow up. Well, "grow up" in a manner of speaking.  It's kind of embarrassing though, so I don't really want to say it.  But I'm excited for it.  For once, I have a real dream.

It's not like I didn't have dreams until now, but they were either unrealistic of trivial.  And anyway, it's not like I really had my heart set on becoming the first world dictator, or a doctor-teacher-lawyer-cop, or owning all manga that was ever published, or being awarded a Nobel prize, or marrying Aizen-sama, or becoming a world-renowned concerto pianist, or winning nationals in the Academic Decathlon competition and even going to Seoul to compete in Scholar's Cup with Becca and Emily, or designing my own 25-story mansion, or being a figure skating prodigy and participating in the Olympics, or finding the cure to cancer.
Actually, I might just be serious about marrying Aizen-sama.

Just kidding, although accomplishing all that would be terribly terrific.  But like I said, those are more like delusions rather than dreams.  Or perhaps they are dreams... the kind you have when you're asleep.

Well, all that aside, I just wanted to say I'm proud of myself, and I hope I'll be able to pluck up the courage to tell my parents soon.

Youth, it's beautiful.