That said, I must admit I get most of my XP from the guys. And they gave me all this really awesome armor and weaponry and stuff. And they gave me so many tips to be better at the game. So... thank you, guys! You're so awesome!
That said, I guess the biggest news I have today is the Thanksgiving dinner at my church. I was so excited this whole week because some of my friends were finally able to go, and for once I gathered enough courage to be able to speak up when talking to other people. But I guess my enthusiasm backfired, because some people thought I was flirting with my classmates so my mom got mad at me.
I suppose the misunderstanding results from the fact that I am a completely different person when I'm not with my friends. At church, I clam up and stop talking because I really don't know how to really "connect" with anyone there. It's like there's this plastic wrap around me that prevents me from making true friends there, or even just having a normal conversation. What kind of role am I supposed to play there? I want to play with the worship team, but I lack experience playing in any other condition besides solo performance and my voice is nothing compared to the other girls'. I want to be more active in youth group, but school always gets in the way so I can't attend regularly... and anyway, it would seem that my lifestyle is so different than the other youth that we don't have anything in common that we can speak passionately about (somehow, all the conversations end with "Wow, Sarah, you're so smart!" which I really don't have a reply to, seeing how it's not really true). I want to discuss lessons in detailduring Bible study, but in youth group nobody else does and in adult groups I just feel too young to give any meaningful advice. I have so much advice when it comes to conducting in depth analysis of the Bible, or the organization of church events, but I know it's not my place to say anything. I'm probably putting myself in this prison, but this is pretty much why I just sit at the piano and play all day long, without talking to anyone and always just waiting to go back home.
Everywhere else, however, I'm the loudest person in the group. I shout, I run, I jump, I punch, I laugh hysterically-- simply put, I'm a maniac. And its my friends who let me be that way; they endow me with bursts of energy and confidence, so much that I honestly stop caring about what other people think. I hate being some quiet, polite doll who's expected to just play piano, get good grades, and be some perfect freak that couldn't possibly exist anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I love to play the piano, and I love getting good grades, and it's not like I want to cuss out every single person I meet, but I just really, really, really, really, really want to start being myself. I'm not meek! I'm not smart! I'm stupid, and I humiliate myself all the time, but I'm loud and I just love to have fun!
Phew. Got that off my chest. But I didn't really make my point, which is: sure, it's disappointing that some of my brothers and sisters in church would come to the conclusion that I'm some flirty little girl simply because I acted differently today, but in the end, I really don't give a hoot. I had so much fun today, and I can't wait to hang with my friends again. I'm not mad, since it's really just a misunderstanding on their part. Although I just might have ran around a little too much, looking for someone who I wanted to introduce my friends to.
Watching the Matrix 3 and the latest episode of Community at my house afterwards was hilarious though. Really an awesome first-time for my family. I hope I can hold a Christmas party this year :P
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