The Fate Book of Japanese Poems

I stopped by the library Monday and checked out one of my personal favorites, the Anthology of Modern Japanese Poetry (1972).  My friend decided to act out a remix of fate and randomly opened the pages of the book, claiming the poems on the page she opened to were supposed to say something about the future of someone.

Here are the fates of those whose futures she dared to peer into:

Me: "The Hospital" and "Kiss" (I burst out laughing), both by Shuntaro Tanikawa

The Hospital

Blue sky and sun are dissolved in stained creosote water,
in dark corridors eroded emotions accumulate rather than science.

Bright-colored suits are powerless in front of X rays.
Even in white clothes there is no consolation.

When patients
into the bottoms of test tubes of colored glass
timidly confine their own being
white physicians
becoming cool and accurate machines
handle cool and accurate machines.

Inside the several kinds of reverberations I do not hear a human voice.
In here everything is materialism.

The hospital is the same as a modern city without secrets.

What a dreary life lays ahead for me.  Unless I do as I plan and steer clear of the medical field.

For Andrew C-H, Sandra drew a pretty awesome tanka poem by Yaichi Aizu.  I think it's very philosophical battle manga-esque.

I stand as though
only I am existing
in heaven and earth--
at this solitarinesss,
Kannon, you are smiling.

One of the last fates Sandy drew was for my classmate Xe.  You got to feel bad for her:

A Camel, by Saisei Muro

In thin shade
a camel that is fastened,
like an aged man,
mumbling and mumbling, is eating things all day long.
His tent is like a sky with snow,
hanging grey and dismal.
Without speaking the camel
keeps moving his mouth all day.

Well, at least she didn't get On Suicide by Shiro Murano. XD

For herself, Sandra drew a haiku by Kyoshi Takahama. I'll end with it.

A white peony
it is called-- but even so,
a faint redness.

Day after Thanksgiving

I know this is supposed to be when everyone goes shopping for crazily low prices to buy a huge TV, but this year I just don't feel like buying anything. I think my favorite part of this year's Thanksgiving holiday is being able to wake up at 11:30 on Friday morning, grab a plate of leftovers, watch the last leaves fall outside my window, and drink the last bottle of apple cider like Captain Jack Sparrow...

Oh yes, that is indeed what I am doing right now. And a bonus: my family is still asleep.
I love it when I'm the only person awake in the house.  I also love it when I'm the only person in the house, and everyone else is at school, or work, or out shopping, or doing God knows what while I sit in my room, finally able to relax.  I speak like I come from a large family, although I really don't.  I just come from a really annoying one. >.<

Well, there was this awesome dream I just woke up from that I wanted to share, but even as I type most of it escapes my memory.  There are only two parts I remember clearly, and they are so obscure that I don't feel like trying to make sense of it for you.  So farewell for now; I shall leave you to your conundrums.

Happy shopping!

Diablo & Stuff

I used to own the game back in 2001 when I lived in the Philippines, but haven't played it since.  A few weeks ago, I remembered all about it (and craved a computer game) so I asked some of my dude-friends for a version of Diablo II and what do you know, I'm addicted. So are many of my dudette-friends (CoughCoughEmilyAndBeccaCoughCough).  Becca-unni is even drawing me as my favorite character, the Amazon.  Aren't I so adorable? >:D

That said, I must admit I get most of my XP from the guys. And they gave me all this really awesome armor and weaponry and stuff.  And they gave me so many tips to be better at the game.  So... thank you, guys! You're so awesome!

That said, I guess the biggest news I have today is the Thanksgiving dinner at my church.  I was so excited this whole week because some of my friends were finally able to go, and for once I gathered enough courage to be able to speak up when talking to other people.  But I guess my enthusiasm backfired, because some people thought I was flirting with my classmates so my mom got mad at me.

I suppose the misunderstanding results from the fact that I am a completely different person when I'm not with my friends.  At church, I clam up and stop talking because I really don't know how to really "connect" with anyone there.  It's like there's this plastic wrap around me that prevents me from making true friends there, or even just having a normal conversation.  What kind of role am I supposed to play there?  I want to play with the worship team, but I lack experience playing in any other condition besides solo performance and my voice is nothing compared to the other girls'.  I want to be more active in youth group, but school always gets in the way so I can't attend regularly... and anyway, it would seem that my lifestyle is so different than the other youth that we don't have anything in common that we can speak passionately about (somehow, all the conversations end with "Wow, Sarah, you're so smart!" which I really don't have a reply to, seeing how it's not really true).  I want to discuss lessons in detailduring Bible study, but in youth group nobody else does and in adult groups I just feel too young to give any meaningful advice.  I have so much advice when it comes to conducting in depth analysis of the Bible, or the organization of church events, but I know it's not my place to say anything.  I'm probably putting myself in this prison, but this is pretty much why I just sit at the piano and play all day long, without talking to anyone and always just waiting to go back home.

Everywhere else, however, I'm the loudest person in the group.  I shout, I run, I jump, I punch, I laugh hysterically-- simply put, I'm a maniac.  And its my friends who let me be that way; they endow me with bursts of energy and confidence, so much that I honestly stop caring about what other people think. I hate being some quiet, polite doll who's expected to just play piano, get good grades, and be some perfect freak that couldn't possibly exist anywhere.  Don't get me wrong, I love to play the piano, and I love getting good grades, and it's not like I want to cuss out every single person I meet, but I just really, really, really, really, really want to start being myself.  I'm not meek! I'm not smart! I'm stupid, and I humiliate myself all the time, but I'm loud and I just love to have fun!

Phew. Got that off my chest.  But I didn't really make my point, which is: sure, it's disappointing that some of my brothers and sisters in church would come to the conclusion that I'm some flirty little girl simply because I acted differently today, but in the end, I really don't give a hoot.  I had so much fun today, and I can't wait to hang with my friends again. I'm not mad, since it's really just a misunderstanding on their part.  Although I just might have ran around a little too much, looking for someone who I wanted to introduce my friends to.

Watching the Matrix 3 and the latest episode of Community at my house afterwards was hilarious though. Really an awesome first-time for my family.  I hope I can hold a Christmas party this year :P

Tips for all-nighters

Tonight I am pulling another all-nighter, so the fact that I am blogging instead of fervently finishing my history packet shouldn't phase you.  After all, I am Sarah.

Lately I've perfected all-nighters to an art (that's how often I do them).  If you need some tips for situation when you're ACTUALLY doing your homework (not foolishly watching Personal Taste on a Sunday night, like a certain someone I happen to know a week or two ago), then you might find it helpful to take a gahander at what I do:

1. Blast music in your room (this may be a problem if your parents won't let you, but mine don't have regular sleeping hours anyway so it's all cool).  For me, I choose from three different playlists: up until about six months ago, it was indie, heavy metal, and things like that.  Franz Ferdinand truly became my best friend. Then for a few months it was all Asian music. Kpop, Jrock, you name it.  Here's a few songs that I have on that playlist:

Alone - The Outsiders

Sangatsu Kokonoka - Remioromen

Sakasama Bridge - Suneohair

1 Minute 1 Second - Epik High

Stand by Me - Shinee

Tsuki to Knife - Suga Shikao

But after a while those songs got me sleepy (especially Tsuki to Knife.  That song is also my sad and depressing song that I sing whenever I almost have suicidal tendencies), so about two weeks ago.. I switched to classical music! I'm a huge junkie because I play the piano, but actually blasting The Marriage of Figaro and full volume in da bomb!  Right now, I'm hooked on this CD that my pastor at church gave me:

I hope I never get sick of it, cuz it is seriously awesome!!!!

2. Work in portions. Half of one assignment, switch to the other, after about three take a break raid the fridge. At midnight I take a fifteen minute break to read a manga update to get my blood flowing (or, if there are no awesome updates, I just look up pictures of Aizen!!! jkjkjkjkjk. I'm not that crazy). I do this at about 2:30 am as well.

3. Tweet to keep yourself awake but STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM FACEBOOK. YOU WILL GET SUCKED IN AND YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE UNTIL IT'S ALREADY 2 IN THE MORNING AND YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING SUICIDE.

4. Before it was Rockstar, and then it was coffee (with lots of cocoa mixed in), but those drinks are SO overrated. (Plus I've developed immunity to them). Right now, I'm all about Jasmine tea. I don't even know if it's caffeinated or not, but a boiling cup of tea sure does taste darn good after a long day at school and a long night ahead of you. So make yourself a pot and join me!

Okay, so I feel like a bit of a traitor wearing another high school's t-shirt, but I don't have any school pride anyway.  And my sister goes to Lincoln so it's all good.  Like my cup? It was hand-made in Japan. :P

Well, darlings, that's all for now. I have more to post (such as my realization that guys are much better friends than most girls, despite the generally negative effect they have on your sense of humor) but this will have to suffice for now.  

Hope the rest of the week pans out swell for y'all! I have at least five tests this week so send me love and brain cells! And tomorrow I'm finding out if I'll be able to go to England as a student ambassador this summer, so wish me luck!

i am a...

$@*%!!#$%#$*^&@&(*(*##$@^$*$^^^&$%^&#&%@^&($%^&.

What am I getting myself into?
Ah, youth.
I just hope--
Ack, let's just go to sleep.
...
....
......
Today is too long already.

Why isn't it Christmas yet?

Lovely song, really.

Okay, I need to finish my homework.  Before I go, the answer to your question is: "No. I have not gone to sleep.  Nor, it seems, shall I until 2 p.m. this afternoon."

Have a nice 3rd of November, minna.  Did you know this is the anniversary of my skipping a grade?  I remember because Mrs. Calderon, my new third grade teacher, wrote November 3, 2003 in cursive on the chalkboard and I couldn't read the month.

Danner.

In my attempt to look cool and alone, I ditched my friend after Spanish class and zoomed by myself to Danner Hall.  Karma works fast, because now I'm just lonely.

There's all these retarded guys around me.  I'll type snippets of their conversations:

"Well, no, I just wanted to get the hot dog before I"

"PIKACHU!"

"Hello? Let me out of here!"
"I got to get out of class man, I'm having a hard time breathing."

"Did you guys leave me here?"

"No, I'm positive it was pandas."

"Fifteen minutes til the bus."

"I used to just use it and crash when I was fifteen, but it's like.."
"I used to play like crazy."

"*singing* You're beautiful!"

"Yu-Gi-Oh!"

"We always argued, he's like--"

"*obnoxious laughter.. like Mojo-Jojo*"

"Hello.  This number can not be reached at this time. If you'd like to--"

"SONOFAB*TCH!"

"That's what she said."

Yeah. Hilarious.  I know.

Well, this morning I found my ideal boyfriend.  He was wearing all black, except for a his red and white wrist bands.  He had perfectly cut black hair, and glasses, and wore a black hat.  And his skin was really pale.  And he was about 5 inches taller than me (>//////<)  He kinda looked like Metis from the web comic Honeydew, except with shorter hair.  And he was simply divine.

Hahaha. I wish I had the guts to talk to those types of people, but unfortunately I'm a wussy who doesn't even have the courage to talk to a former classmate of hers.  O Sarah, why dost thee sucketh so much?

Before I go, my friend's mom asked me a few questions for her Communications Studies class.  I'm feeling bored-- [omigawd, that guy right now looks freaking awesome! I love his style! You, dude, are cool!]-- so I might as well post it.

1. Is it more important to accomplish a goal OR to strive towards a
goal? Accomplishing the goal.  Sure, it's great if you tried, but if you don't reach the goal, then there's no point.  There were no results.

2. Should people cope with situations they find themselves in OR
problem-solve to change their situation? Change your situation.  For example, say you have an abusive drunk for a dad.  Are you going to "cope" with the situation and endure the abuse, or are you going to do something so you can get out of that environment?

3. Is it important to have intermediaries/go-betweens in dealing
with disagreements and confrontations? (Is it better to communicate
directly or indirectly with a person?) It depends on who you have a problem with.  I personally think that if you want to be sincere with me, talk to me directly.  I don't want to go around playing mind-games.  On the other hand, sometimes people get offended when you're being too direct with them.

4. Are some people superior to others (not equals)? If yes, can
social superiority be obtained through birth, age, good deeds,
material achievement, or through some other means? Yes, some people are superior to others.  Mostly because of the way they conduct themselves, but I suppose it can sometimes be something innate.  People like Aizen (I'm assuming they exist).  You know.  They're just born out of our league.

5. How are identities formed--by oneself or with others? Does the
self reside in the individual or in groups to which the individual
belongs? Identities are formed by a mixture.  A little of yourself, and a little from they way you perceive other people, and then you change yourself.  But the self resides in the individual.

6. Is wisdom or vigor (youthful energy/strength) more valued? Uh, WISDOM.  I mean, if you're young but stupid, you're just going to get yourself killed.  If you're wise but old-- hell, you can still enjoy life.

7. Are people in control of the forces of nature? Or, are they
subject to the forces of nature? Or, do they live in harmony with 
forces of nature? Again, a mixture of the two.  Sometimes  you change your surroundings, and sometimes you have to react to what life throws at ya.

8. Do spirits of the dead inhabit and affect the human world? The dead do NOT inhabit and affect the living world. They already went to heaven/hell.

9. Is time scarce or unlimited? Scarce.  Your life clock is ticking, honey.  Get to it.

10. Is time linear or cyclical? Linear.

11. Which is more important, the future, the present or the past, and
why? The present.  It's what you can change.  Sure, the past is what shaped you, and the future is what you look forward to, but what matters is now.

Ciao!