Hullo dar.

Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?
I blog mostly on my tumblr:  seewahchu.tumblr.com
See you there!  <3

Photography

Taking pictures has always just been a favorite hobby of mine. After all, it's the only artistic activity besides playing the piano that I was able to engage in because it's very mechanical and doesn't require me to draw, hold a paint brush, or anything of the difficult sort.  And you get instant gratification, hehehe...

Anyway, this semester I decided to take Photography 1A, in which I work with Black & White film. I've only been to 3 or 4 classes, but so far it's been very interesting. I've successfully developed my first roll of film, and can't wait to create the positives!

The assignment is to take pictures reflecting theme "Forgotten Spaces," so my sister and I brainstormed together and decided to focus on taking picture of people sitting around memorials. Even though these monuments were built to remember an aspect of society, we often forget about them and they just because part of the scenery. Anyway, it seems like a legit answer to the theme, so I'm sticking with it.

In other news, yesterday was Day 1 of the Academic Decathlon team competition. I'll make a full post about it next week after the awards ceremony, with a buttload of pictures to complement. I don't want to get my hopes up, but... I didn't freaking awesome in my interviews. Like I said, details to come.

Well, I have to write a 4-page essay for my English 1D class. I have to argue whether or not a safety net should be built for the Golden Gate Bridge, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty torn. Money or lives? And are those lives significant? I got a second opinion from 4 people. My best friends say no, my family says yes.

And I just had to wait til the night before to get started on this. Ai yi yi, Sarah, you never learn.

Notes and Conclusions

Something not-so-funny happened. Instead of me running away from my problems, my problems are running away from me. And then I encounter new ones.
Yup, life as usual. And because it's life as usual, I won't spare you with any of the depressing details of my day and skip right to my conclusion:

I hate being both a high school student and a student at the local community college. I don't fit in either environment because of it.  I have to worry about graduating from high school because college classes get in the way, and then I don't get into my college classes because I'm still in high school and don't have any priority.  If I was some D-average, eighteen-year-old high school-dropout pothead, I could probably get into any college class I wanted. If I went to an average high school, I'd be acing all my classes, be on a sports team, and even have enough time for a job. I swear to God, when I have kids, I will never let them do what I'm doing right now. Screw if this is supposed to save money, it's not worth all the trouble.


Phew, glad to get that off my shoulders. In other news, I finished watching Naoki Urasawa's "Monster". The second-to-last episode was amazing, the last one not as much, although the ending was quite peculiar.  As I've said before, I'm not particularly good with reviews, so I'll just write what I thought when I first finished the series:

The first half of the last episode was a very typical epilogue, something to satisfy the audience's curiosity of what happened to everyone in the end.  When Tenma met with Johann one last time-- now that was some scary shit.  I certainly wasn't expecting that. Tenma "wakes up" screaming, but clearly that conversation with Johann wasn't a dream. How could Tenma make that information up? Plus, the series ends with the empty hospital bed-- Johann really had awoken.  However, the window is open. Is this "escape" or was it "suicide"? Perhaps suicide was escape for Johann?

Was Johann's complex all because he knew that his mom couldn't tell the twins apart? He wasn't the one starved in the Mansion of Red Roses, so the monster inside of him is the result of brainwashing and that single memory?  Is that what distinguished him as the "ultimate beast" among the other 511 Kinderheim orphans? Namely, Roberto and Grimmer?

Why was it that Johann felt such a close connection to Tenma? It felt even deeper than his connection to his sister or Franz Bonaparta.  In the end, the one he chose to see the scene for Doomday was Tenma.  It is Tenma to whom he reveals that memory of when his sister was taken to the Mansion of Red Roses. He left his messages for Tenma. Why? Is it because Tenma brought him back to life? Because Tenma believes all life is equal?

There were other comments that I wrote about Grimmer, Roberto, and even the drunk that shoots Johann, but in the end the only characters who's development I find interesting were Tenma and Johann.  I can't believe that Tenma saved Johann's life once again...

I have an assignment or two to do before school starts in about three hours, so I'll part here. Thanks for reading. (^ ^)/

Have yourself a merry fudgin' Tuesday.

Truthfully, I didn't really enjoy myself today, for reasons ranging from having to take my history lecture notes by hand (I left the computer at home), to realizing that switching some of my classes was a huge mistake, to being consumed by feelings of misery, self-condemnation, and utter loneliness.  Inside my mind, I kept doubting myself, and wondering, "Is anyone really happy to see me? Doesn't it look like I'm trying too hard? Do I look like some little girl trying to play grown up?". All the while, that tugging feeling of anxiety when I've procrastinated an important assignment for far too long was pounding on my brain. "You're a failure. You're a failure. Give up. Who do you think you're kidding? Going to college? You'll be lucky if you can even finish high school, you ingrate."

I want to run to my friends and spill everything, but somehow I feel that I have to finally stand up against myself on my own. I can't always run to others for sympathy and help, because if I really want to change the world and achieve my dream, then I have to change myself first.


All said and done, though, my isolation today did do me some good. I continued to read more of Kafka On the Shore, by Haruki Murakami. I was inspired for more of my stories I'm posting on Mibba, and even a short story I've been thinking about for years. Ultimately, I want the short (we'll call it "Rain" for now) to appear as a slice-of-life josei manga, so I'm currently writing it in a sort of script style. I'll include a portion of the dialogue I wrote in my notebook today.

C: So, why are you here?
D: [smiling to self] Well, my friend invited her boyfriend over for the night.
C: Huh. That's one hell of a roommate.
D: Well, actually, we have separate rooms, so it's not... hearing or anything that bothers me.
C: ... (then...?)
D: Josh -- her boyfriend -- he's kinda... my ex.
C: No way! Wait-- it's not what I think--
D: Unfortunately, yeah.  They met through me... Pathetic, I know. [smiles cheerfully]
C: Nah, pathetic of him maybe. You probably just have a bad taste in men... and friends.
D: [laughs] Yup, you're right.  Though, I could never hate her.

I know it looks corny, but the image of the finished product I have in my head is stunningly beautiful, so I don't really want to hear it.  Well, maybe criticize me a little. Maybe when I release more information.

My notebook isn't just full of all sentimental crap.  While I was waiting for my mom to pick me up, I heard this middle-aged man say to some kid (I say kid, but he was older than me): "When I was your age, I was already working three jobs. I don't understand why no one can't make no money these days..."
The kid started to reply, "It's this government, maaaan," but I was too busy writing down that old man's statement to listen to the rest.  Before I could write down my sarcastic reply, however, I overheard another ridiculous conversation.

Here's what I wrote down:

Yes, I'm not quite sure what the stench of weed really is, I just know that whenever I smell something disgusting, all of my friends are like, "Oh, it smells like weed."

I've cheered myself up enough to continue with my homework now. Thanks for tuning in!
|\(~^__^~)/|

Welcome to the NHK

Actually, it's a really great anime.  I guess most people would think it's pretty silly after watching only the first episode.  There's certainly a lot of humor, but I'm on the fourteenth episode right now, and I'm pretty astounded.  This episode is when the suicide party (sorry, spoilers) comes back from the island.  An old man tells the men, "You're idiots because only an idiot would throw away the lives that their parents tried so hard to give to them."  I'm not really good at analyzing things, just summarizing, so I won't bother saying much more besides, "You should watch this!!!"

This makes me think of how my parents think I'm ridiculous because I'm so into manga and anime. They only see it as "cartoons" that "only kids" watch. They're not the only ones, either.  My teachers, my classmates, and most of my friends think I'm wasting my time.  Perhaps they're right, and perhaps I should take a hint from this show and just go out and do something productive instead of slowly adopting the NEET lifestyle.  On the other hand, shows like "Welcome to the NHK" really open your eyes.  They remind you of memories you might not have wanted to remember and unearth issues that have to be confronted.

This week my sister turned seventeen.  Since her birthday, my friends have been staying the night and watching movies with us.  Tonight's the first night that it's just my family.  My parents were supposed to go to Hawaii on Wednesday, but it's already Friday morning and they're still here...

Anyway, I don't have much more to say, so I'll go ahead and break it off here.  Hope everyone's had a great time so far this year! |\(^___^)/|

Sandy! ♥

Name: Sandra Mendez
eye color: Brown
Hair color: black
Hair position: Down
Gender: Female
personality: Flexible
status: pretty excited! 
hobbies: sleeping, drawing, reading, watching movies, singing 
Likes: friends, family, food, free time, anything fun
dislikes: being criticized by strangers, cruelty towards animals and innocent people, corruptness, when people lie to me, stepping in sticky stuff, THE people who make my friends or family cry, being stuck in the middle 
favorite color's: clear
Zodiac: Boar
horoscope: Pisces
Element: Wood
planet/star: jupiter
favorite kind of music: every kind, as long as the lyrics are not every other word cuss words or perverted sayings
favorite bands: too many...way too many
Dependance: what?
Title of my biography: Why are you reading this?
I sometimes confound myself with: my daydreams
Existential question: Is it edible?
Phobia: Have not found one
Theme song: I found mine. and i forgot. 
Soundtrack: la la la la.....la...la....ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Passion: Yet to be found
Animal which I resemble: white mouse
Cult: the one that doesn't exist.
Favorite Object: iPod
Favorite place: Forest
Nicest sound: Rush/ trickle/ drumming of water
Worst sound: Children Crying. and trust me. I know the sound
Favorite body part: hair.
Era in which I would have liked to live: Hunter Gatherer period
Spiritual Guide: Blue Jay
In my wallet: ID, bus pass, Hot Topic Card, Library Card (College and Local), $20
Eventual trip: All around the world. And yes. I mean all of it.
Moment of the Day: Hour past noon
Flower I'd like to give: wild sunflower

Zodiac Information

Just something fun to help me pass the time.

THE FIRE RAT

Fire adds a bit of spontaneity and vigor to the already spirited Rat. These Rats like change and travel and are eager to start new projects or to take trips to exotic places. Fire Rats are likely to change their occupations and residences more often than most, and essentially shun any kind of routine. They can be anxious and impulsive, but their zest for life is quite irresistible, and they have the Rat's ability to along so well with others. Compared to other Rats, Fire Rats are likely to be more charitable, autonomous, and energetic and the least self-controlled.

GEMINI

  Likes talking, novelty and the unusual, variety in life, multiple projects all going on at once, and reading.  Dislikes feeling tied down, learning in school, being in a rut, mental inaction, being alone.
Common problems: Being superficial in overall relationships with others and also in getting ahead on many jobs where you must endeavor to dig deap and learn something thoroughly. Boredom is one of their biggest problems and they can easily fall into mischief if they don't find way to alleviate it.  They could have health problems brought on by overindulgence of food, drink, or night life.
Planet: Mercury.

Well, that was fascinating. For me, anyway.  And for the most part, very true.

One of those things you fill out when you have no life, then you tag your friends so they can fill it out too.

Name: Sarah. Seewah. Princess!
eye color: Brown
Hair color: Brown
Hair position: uhhh... what?
Gender: Female
personality: bossy, bratty, but ultimately an idiot
status: bored, hungry, and on the computer
hobbies: playing piano, reading (manga), watching good movies and shows (anime) crocheting, bugging sister, eating
Likes: my hobbies, winning, bishie villains, friends, vacations, food, funny things, princess movies
dislikes: when people make fun of me! >///< And uninteresting homework assignments. And teachers who can't teach a class unless they give tests. (I also have a problem with the concept of using tests to measure intelligence or how much you have learned.)
favorite color's: blue. the shade varies with mood.
Zodiac: Rat
horoscope: Gemini!
Element: Fire!
planet/star: um.. Earth. Hahahaha..
favorite kind of music: classic rock, classical, alternative, indie, jrock, and then a few artists in all the other genres
favorite bands: this changes a lot, so I'll just list the last five artists I've listened to-- bob dylan, suga shikao, regina spektor, the strokes, vampire weekend
Dependance: errr.. what?
Title of my biography: The Amazingly Uneventful Life of a Clumsy Girl
I sometimes confound myself with: my stupidity
Existential question: "Why" but sometimes "Why not?"
Phobia: the apocalypse
Theme song: this changes a lot too. Right now, it'd have to be "Progress" by Suga Shikao
Soundtrack: a long compilation of many different songs
Passion: Aizen, Tsuruga, Orochimaru, Sebastian, and many other villainous characters. I kid. Kinda.
Animal which I resemble: Rat
Cult: the one that doesn't exist.
Favorite Object: laptop
Favorite place: big cities.
Nicest sound: classical piano music.
Worst sound: my eldest sister screaming over stupid shit.
Favorite body part: hair.
Era in which I would have liked to live: pre-Civil War as a Southern plantation heiress, 1850s-1910s New England as a industrial tycoon's daughter, or Edo period Japan as a rich daimyo's daughter
Spiritual Guide: they take turns.
In my wallet: IDs, gift cards, receipts, coupons, club membership cards, and about $1.30
Eventual trip: Japan, Korea, and China.
Moment of the day: 3:10 am.
Flower I'd like to give: I'm really bad with naming flowers, so... a really pretty one. Also, this depends on who I'm giving it to.

No longer suffering from megalomania

I'm pretty sure I know what I want to be when I grow up. Well, "grow up" in a manner of speaking.  It's kind of embarrassing though, so I don't really want to say it.  But I'm excited for it.  For once, I have a real dream.

It's not like I didn't have dreams until now, but they were either unrealistic of trivial.  And anyway, it's not like I really had my heart set on becoming the first world dictator, or a doctor-teacher-lawyer-cop, or owning all manga that was ever published, or being awarded a Nobel prize, or marrying Aizen-sama, or becoming a world-renowned concerto pianist, or winning nationals in the Academic Decathlon competition and even going to Seoul to compete in Scholar's Cup with Becca and Emily, or designing my own 25-story mansion, or being a figure skating prodigy and participating in the Olympics, or finding the cure to cancer.
Actually, I might just be serious about marrying Aizen-sama.

Just kidding, although accomplishing all that would be terribly terrific.  But like I said, those are more like delusions rather than dreams.  Or perhaps they are dreams... the kind you have when you're asleep.

Well, all that aside, I just wanted to say I'm proud of myself, and I hope I'll be able to pluck up the courage to tell my parents soon.

Youth, it's beautiful.

The troubles of fixing my hair.

Okay, so here's confirmation that girls do not always mean well when they compliment your looks: they always tell me, "Oh, Sarah, I loooooove your hair!"

Ha! Ha! Hahahahaha! Like hell you do! My untamable rat's nest?! You want to trade?!?!

The other day, my hair was fairly manageable, but still some guy I know asked me, "So, Sarah, why don't you, like, straighten your hair? Because, it's like," and then he made the poofy-hair gesture with his hands.

I wanted to strangle him.  But I didn't. Because that's illegal.  And because I was sitting in the back of the car and he was in the front passenger seat. Hahahaha. :<

Anywaaaay, here's why I don't straighten my hair often:
becauseittakeslikeahundredgajillionhourstodoitandthenforawholefrickenweekmyhairislikenooooooihateyouandthenmydadislikenoooooihateyouandyourehairlookssounnaturalwhenyoudothatsoiforbidyoutodoitandtheneveryoneislikewoooooahsarahwhydyoustraightenyourhairareyoutryingtoimpressaguyandmeanwhilemyhairisslowlygoinglikemuahahahahahaimslowlypoofingbackupbythetimethispartyishalfwaythroughitllbebacktonormalandyoucantdoanythingaboutitohbutifidontpoofbackupthatsbecauseidecidedtobecomesuperoilyinsteadbecauseididntuseuptheproductsuputinsothaturhairdoesntburnbecauseofthisohandthatmeansthatyourhairisgoingtobeheeeeeckuhfrizzymuahahahahhahahahahaha!

Despite all the consequences, I straightened my hair the other day and it was quite a nice improvement! (So even though I wanted to strangle you, Guy I Know, what you said was true).  Today, I straightened my hair and curled it for the party tonight! :D

It took about TWO AND A HALF HOURS.

Here's the process. Thanks, Becca-unni, for taming my lion's mane!

And the final result:

It looks much better from the back. But I'm not sure whether that was worth the 2.5 hours of sleep I could have gotten.  Not to mention the pain of having my hair yanked every which way. :<

So now y'all know! My hair's a beeeetch! What's new, Buenos Aires?

More.

Today was Day 1 (of 2) of the church's Christmas play.  It went all right, even if I failed as a pianist.  One of my best friends sat in the audience, and I realized that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have anyone to wave or smile to.  Unless you count the back wall.

What a sad existence I have. :<

I finally (kinda) addressed the Private Issue That I've Been Avoiding That I Talked About In My Last Post.  In a long message on Skype while he wasn't online.  And then I logged off immediately so that I didn't have to talk to him. Heh.

But for some reason, I read my depressing posts and go all Honey and Clover on myself, shouting "YOUTH!!!!" in my brain and whatnot.  This weird angsty stuff, my need to figure out what it is I want to do in life, feeling inferior to others in matters that shouldn't even matter, being in a constant argument with my parents, being (somewhat) related in political affairs that are waaaaay over my head, getting involved in drama between friends, losing some and making others... It's like I'm part of an over-the-top manga written by an inexperienced mangaka.  It's got so many elements to it, but then again that screams "YOUTH!!!" too.

Oh, for Pete's sake, the song I'm listening to ("Northern Downpour" by Panic at the Disco) practically screams "YOUTH!!!!" too. Why, Sarah, why? Naze? B8

Haha, well angst-sy youth and other unhappy sentiments aside, I've decided I want to sing an upbeat Japanese song for the talent show, with some of my friends as back-up dancers.  Partially because I think it'll be fun, but mostly because I probably won't be returning for senior year.  I'd be officially dropping out of the race for valedictorian, so I might as well go out with a bang.

I was thinking something like this song by Suga Shikao.

Or "Gogo no Parade," also by Suga Shikao. They sound really fun, and the back-up dancing is so silly, I can't help but laugh.  I hope my friends will take to it as well when I propose it to them. Although, considering most of them are even shyer than I am, I doubt it. (-____-)

I'm going to finish watching the anime I was watchin' just now.  It is 1:09 AM.

On the Seventeenth of December, Reality threw to me...

1. I finished my finals on Monday and Tuesday (that went... ok).
2. I helped my sister finish her final art projects Wednesday and Thursday.
3. I didn't go to the end-of-the-semester assembly at school today (and thus was unable to give my friends their presents).
4. I completely avoided my problems.
5. I went to the church play dress-rehearsal, and my scene was the only one that was decidedly bad.
6. I've fought with at least one of my parents since Thanksgiving. Tonight, I shouted at both of them.
7. I watched the pilot episode of Thirtysomething just now. My heart is touched to figurative tears, and I'm not even married.

It's been a really emotional week. There are items that ought to be added to that list, but they infringe on the privacy of rather sentimental individuals.

Merry Christmas, everyone.  It's 2:05 in the morning.

Crocheting Wristbands.

I have pictures to share of the wristbands I've been making lately, and of me celebrating my currently tame hair :D

Not the best, but decent. Taken with a mirror to show the back stripe is yellow.

My favorite! Girly with lots of happy, fun colors :P

A weird.. finger thing I made.

I was experimenting, okay? (twss)

This monster was made of two strands of yarn, crocheted together.

Very thick, very big, and very warm. (twss!!!)

These ones were made a little too long, so I pulled them over the palms of my hands.

I'm thinking about making a second version of the black-with-red-stripes one.

Extend it to just above the elbow and make a type of gauntlet.
Would be fun >:D

But a lot of yarn and time -___-

 

So this little creeper is the first time I've crocheted with so many stripes

(6 around the whole wrist)

So it's really messy and I don't really like it.

My sister says it's cool because of the colors, but green and yellow are the school colors of this other high school in my city, so I can't ever wear this thing to school.

Oh hair, I love you so much today!

lol

I added Japanese character into my keyboard, and was messing around with it.
So I was writing in English with the hiragana translator, and when translated back into english, it goes like this:

"I press the posthumous edition hair ratio m st no why? Meaning the first draft. . . A sub-s r ksword tail cent nitrous ふ s, g phosphorus in dark blue paper to t for rth Enwo Vu 's to. R centふ first draft d, r in tin g Efi rst and near it said all yen Wa ys t cut-off there that t I s teeth? Wed get back thmy s lf s fitting variants ぢ meaning m, g r cent duty near the city s ふphosphorus, ly One E l drawings or Ousset all meaning ふ mply city."

The Fate Book of Japanese Poems

I stopped by the library Monday and checked out one of my personal favorites, the Anthology of Modern Japanese Poetry (1972).  My friend decided to act out a remix of fate and randomly opened the pages of the book, claiming the poems on the page she opened to were supposed to say something about the future of someone.

Here are the fates of those whose futures she dared to peer into:

Me: "The Hospital" and "Kiss" (I burst out laughing), both by Shuntaro Tanikawa

The Hospital

Blue sky and sun are dissolved in stained creosote water,
in dark corridors eroded emotions accumulate rather than science.

Bright-colored suits are powerless in front of X rays.
Even in white clothes there is no consolation.

When patients
into the bottoms of test tubes of colored glass
timidly confine their own being
white physicians
becoming cool and accurate machines
handle cool and accurate machines.

Inside the several kinds of reverberations I do not hear a human voice.
In here everything is materialism.

The hospital is the same as a modern city without secrets.

What a dreary life lays ahead for me.  Unless I do as I plan and steer clear of the medical field.

For Andrew C-H, Sandra drew a pretty awesome tanka poem by Yaichi Aizu.  I think it's very philosophical battle manga-esque.

I stand as though
only I am existing
in heaven and earth--
at this solitarinesss,
Kannon, you are smiling.

One of the last fates Sandy drew was for my classmate Xe.  You got to feel bad for her:

A Camel, by Saisei Muro

In thin shade
a camel that is fastened,
like an aged man,
mumbling and mumbling, is eating things all day long.
His tent is like a sky with snow,
hanging grey and dismal.
Without speaking the camel
keeps moving his mouth all day.

Well, at least she didn't get On Suicide by Shiro Murano. XD

For herself, Sandra drew a haiku by Kyoshi Takahama. I'll end with it.

A white peony
it is called-- but even so,
a faint redness.

Day after Thanksgiving

I know this is supposed to be when everyone goes shopping for crazily low prices to buy a huge TV, but this year I just don't feel like buying anything. I think my favorite part of this year's Thanksgiving holiday is being able to wake up at 11:30 on Friday morning, grab a plate of leftovers, watch the last leaves fall outside my window, and drink the last bottle of apple cider like Captain Jack Sparrow...

Oh yes, that is indeed what I am doing right now. And a bonus: my family is still asleep.
I love it when I'm the only person awake in the house.  I also love it when I'm the only person in the house, and everyone else is at school, or work, or out shopping, or doing God knows what while I sit in my room, finally able to relax.  I speak like I come from a large family, although I really don't.  I just come from a really annoying one. >.<

Well, there was this awesome dream I just woke up from that I wanted to share, but even as I type most of it escapes my memory.  There are only two parts I remember clearly, and they are so obscure that I don't feel like trying to make sense of it for you.  So farewell for now; I shall leave you to your conundrums.

Happy shopping!

Diablo & Stuff

I used to own the game back in 2001 when I lived in the Philippines, but haven't played it since.  A few weeks ago, I remembered all about it (and craved a computer game) so I asked some of my dude-friends for a version of Diablo II and what do you know, I'm addicted. So are many of my dudette-friends (CoughCoughEmilyAndBeccaCoughCough).  Becca-unni is even drawing me as my favorite character, the Amazon.  Aren't I so adorable? >:D

That said, I must admit I get most of my XP from the guys. And they gave me all this really awesome armor and weaponry and stuff.  And they gave me so many tips to be better at the game.  So... thank you, guys! You're so awesome!

That said, I guess the biggest news I have today is the Thanksgiving dinner at my church.  I was so excited this whole week because some of my friends were finally able to go, and for once I gathered enough courage to be able to speak up when talking to other people.  But I guess my enthusiasm backfired, because some people thought I was flirting with my classmates so my mom got mad at me.

I suppose the misunderstanding results from the fact that I am a completely different person when I'm not with my friends.  At church, I clam up and stop talking because I really don't know how to really "connect" with anyone there.  It's like there's this plastic wrap around me that prevents me from making true friends there, or even just having a normal conversation.  What kind of role am I supposed to play there?  I want to play with the worship team, but I lack experience playing in any other condition besides solo performance and my voice is nothing compared to the other girls'.  I want to be more active in youth group, but school always gets in the way so I can't attend regularly... and anyway, it would seem that my lifestyle is so different than the other youth that we don't have anything in common that we can speak passionately about (somehow, all the conversations end with "Wow, Sarah, you're so smart!" which I really don't have a reply to, seeing how it's not really true).  I want to discuss lessons in detailduring Bible study, but in youth group nobody else does and in adult groups I just feel too young to give any meaningful advice.  I have so much advice when it comes to conducting in depth analysis of the Bible, or the organization of church events, but I know it's not my place to say anything.  I'm probably putting myself in this prison, but this is pretty much why I just sit at the piano and play all day long, without talking to anyone and always just waiting to go back home.

Everywhere else, however, I'm the loudest person in the group.  I shout, I run, I jump, I punch, I laugh hysterically-- simply put, I'm a maniac.  And its my friends who let me be that way; they endow me with bursts of energy and confidence, so much that I honestly stop caring about what other people think. I hate being some quiet, polite doll who's expected to just play piano, get good grades, and be some perfect freak that couldn't possibly exist anywhere.  Don't get me wrong, I love to play the piano, and I love getting good grades, and it's not like I want to cuss out every single person I meet, but I just really, really, really, really, really want to start being myself.  I'm not meek! I'm not smart! I'm stupid, and I humiliate myself all the time, but I'm loud and I just love to have fun!

Phew. Got that off my chest.  But I didn't really make my point, which is: sure, it's disappointing that some of my brothers and sisters in church would come to the conclusion that I'm some flirty little girl simply because I acted differently today, but in the end, I really don't give a hoot.  I had so much fun today, and I can't wait to hang with my friends again. I'm not mad, since it's really just a misunderstanding on their part.  Although I just might have ran around a little too much, looking for someone who I wanted to introduce my friends to.

Watching the Matrix 3 and the latest episode of Community at my house afterwards was hilarious though. Really an awesome first-time for my family.  I hope I can hold a Christmas party this year :P

Tips for all-nighters

Tonight I am pulling another all-nighter, so the fact that I am blogging instead of fervently finishing my history packet shouldn't phase you.  After all, I am Sarah.

Lately I've perfected all-nighters to an art (that's how often I do them).  If you need some tips for situation when you're ACTUALLY doing your homework (not foolishly watching Personal Taste on a Sunday night, like a certain someone I happen to know a week or two ago), then you might find it helpful to take a gahander at what I do:

1. Blast music in your room (this may be a problem if your parents won't let you, but mine don't have regular sleeping hours anyway so it's all cool).  For me, I choose from three different playlists: up until about six months ago, it was indie, heavy metal, and things like that.  Franz Ferdinand truly became my best friend. Then for a few months it was all Asian music. Kpop, Jrock, you name it.  Here's a few songs that I have on that playlist:

Alone - The Outsiders

Sangatsu Kokonoka - Remioromen

Sakasama Bridge - Suneohair

1 Minute 1 Second - Epik High

Stand by Me - Shinee

Tsuki to Knife - Suga Shikao

But after a while those songs got me sleepy (especially Tsuki to Knife.  That song is also my sad and depressing song that I sing whenever I almost have suicidal tendencies), so about two weeks ago.. I switched to classical music! I'm a huge junkie because I play the piano, but actually blasting The Marriage of Figaro and full volume in da bomb!  Right now, I'm hooked on this CD that my pastor at church gave me:

I hope I never get sick of it, cuz it is seriously awesome!!!!

2. Work in portions. Half of one assignment, switch to the other, after about three take a break raid the fridge. At midnight I take a fifteen minute break to read a manga update to get my blood flowing (or, if there are no awesome updates, I just look up pictures of Aizen!!! jkjkjkjkjk. I'm not that crazy). I do this at about 2:30 am as well.

3. Tweet to keep yourself awake but STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM FACEBOOK. YOU WILL GET SUCKED IN AND YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE UNTIL IT'S ALREADY 2 IN THE MORNING AND YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING SUICIDE.

4. Before it was Rockstar, and then it was coffee (with lots of cocoa mixed in), but those drinks are SO overrated. (Plus I've developed immunity to them). Right now, I'm all about Jasmine tea. I don't even know if it's caffeinated or not, but a boiling cup of tea sure does taste darn good after a long day at school and a long night ahead of you. So make yourself a pot and join me!

Okay, so I feel like a bit of a traitor wearing another high school's t-shirt, but I don't have any school pride anyway.  And my sister goes to Lincoln so it's all good.  Like my cup? It was hand-made in Japan. :P

Well, darlings, that's all for now. I have more to post (such as my realization that guys are much better friends than most girls, despite the generally negative effect they have on your sense of humor) but this will have to suffice for now.  

Hope the rest of the week pans out swell for y'all! I have at least five tests this week so send me love and brain cells! And tomorrow I'm finding out if I'll be able to go to England as a student ambassador this summer, so wish me luck!

i am a...

$@*%!!#$%#$*^&@&(*(*##$@^$*$^^^&$%^&#&%@^&($%^&.

What am I getting myself into?
Ah, youth.
I just hope--
Ack, let's just go to sleep.
...
....
......
Today is too long already.

Why isn't it Christmas yet?

Lovely song, really.

Okay, I need to finish my homework.  Before I go, the answer to your question is: "No. I have not gone to sleep.  Nor, it seems, shall I until 2 p.m. this afternoon."

Have a nice 3rd of November, minna.  Did you know this is the anniversary of my skipping a grade?  I remember because Mrs. Calderon, my new third grade teacher, wrote November 3, 2003 in cursive on the chalkboard and I couldn't read the month.